Brandon... Colorado Bound

We are going through some very difficult times right now as a family. I am hoping that sharing my thoughts in writing, and asking for all of our friends and extended family’s prayers will help bring peace into our hearts and minds.

Today I had to say goodbye, for now, to my oldest son Brandon. He is moving to Colorado to live with my mom and dad, as he is trying to make some significant changes in his life for the better. It broke my heart to see him off on the plane, but I have to believe that the choice we are making with this arrangement will help all of us become a stronger family in the long run.

For about the last 4 years Brandon has been struggling in school and with some life choices that have put him in some pretty bad situations. Adolescent choices and the situations that naive ones can put us in are never easy; I as his mom know just how difficult that can be. I know now as a parent that all we really want for our children is for them to be happy, healthy, and to have a full, meaningful, and successful life. Unfortunately, when one bad choice leads to another we sometimes find ourselves in a hole that seems much too dark and difficult to get out of.

During times like this I can’t help but look in the mirror and ask… “What did I do wrong?”, “Am I doing and saying the right things?”, “Am I setting a good example?”. I’ve been racking my brain for months reliving the past few years thinking that there must have been something I could have done differently to have helped Brandon feel more loved, more appreciated, and more self confident – so that we wouldn’t have ended up at this day.

When we moved from Florida to Rhode Island in the summer of 2006 Brandon was very upset with me, as he was very attached to the life we made in Jacksonville. He was 14 and if I think back to that point in my life, I would have been SO MAD if my parents lifted me from the life I knew and loved. However, we hoped that Brandon would have been able to make a fresh start with new friends in new surroundings. While Brandon was never really happy to be in RI, things did go well for a short while. Unfortunately, the poor grades picked up and troublesome friends found their way yet again into his life.

In April of 2008 we received great news when I got a new job offer with the opportunity to move back to Jacksonville. Thinking that this would provide another “fresh start”, and would get the whole family back to the place that we grew to love and enjoyed living, it was only a few short weeks before our life was in disarray. Without sharing details, we realized as a family that we had to make some drastic life changes if we wanted Brandon to turn things around.

I suppose we won’t know for sometime if the choice we made was right… or even the best decision we could have made. So, in trying to pull my beautiful and gifted son out of his dark hole, I send him off with all of my love hoping and praying that he will be able to make positive progress and will return home to us soon.

As you can imagine, Chad, Kenny, Ty & Caitlynn (even our Jack dog) are also very sad that we will not have Brandon be a part of our daily lives. Each expressing in their own ways – Kenny made me smile when I really needed it today, as he always does in his oh so special way, when he said “I wish we could all go live with Nana and Papa because they love all of us.” He is so right, and I know that above all Brandon will be loved where he is. Afterall, in addition to Nana & Papa, his aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma Rolayne, and even his great grands are all within a hug distance :)!!

Meanwhile, I continue thinking about all the choices I am making and pray that this life lesson will help me to be a better mom. You know, it would be so much easier if there was a handbook... Wait - there is, I just need to get back to reading it!!